Friday, May 26, 2006

Chemo-soby #5

some thoughts first...
There is so much I have thought about writing, but cannot seem to articulate in a concise way which would make sense. Many times things will come to me throughout the day and if I do not write them down they become as vapor off of a boiling pot. It just goes away. I guess the key is to keep paper and pen handy at all times. I have talked to pastor’s who have files of nick-nack scribbles from over the years. They have learned to write it down.
In retrospect, I see my faith as having been surprisingly strong and consistent and at other times weak and almost nonexistent. How can this be – both faith and the lack there of, simultaneously existing in the same person? And then there is faith in one area such as salvation, I don’t doubt that aspect of my relationship with God. But there are other areas of doubt such as God being in control of everything in the world – if so, why do things seem so crazy. That particular question I believe is not so much faith as it is questioning God’s way of handling things. You know how we like to tell other people how they should be driving, running there business or raising their children.
My faith, or lack of it, does not change the nature of God. Scripture says He (God) is faithful even if / when we are not faithful. The very fact that I have read that God is faithful - even when I am not faithful -provokes faith within me. God’s faithfulness creates faith in my heart (towards Him). I suppose this dynamic is the same as when we observe someone else in our life who is so very faithful – modeling one of God’s character traits – and we become inspired by there actions. As a result, faith grows in our hearts. When the day is over and I counsel upon my bed in my heart, my sanctum sanctorum, I know that God is in control and I know that God is faithful. So why do I doubt at times? I guess it is just human.
Hawk newsflash: Two healthy, good sized fledglings have been observed in the nest today with colored wing feathers and grayish fluffy head feathers – they appear to be all eyes, beak and wings at his point. Mom and dad are flying all day not stop feeding runs to keep the baby bellies full. More info on these two as we see it happening.
Chemo went well, thank God. My white blood cell count was “stellar”, platelets are good but the red blood cell count was in the anemic range – but not to worry. So far as of Friday night, just really tired, but ate a great supper. Hopefully, this trend will continue. This is chemo #5. The Dr. says I will not need any Neupogen shots this week. We will see this coming Friday once more blood work is done. The nurse got the IV started on the first hit - that's a blessing.
Let's not forget to honor our War Vets this weekend. There are all kinds of things to do Down Town at the memorial area. Tell your kids how 'Freedom is not Free' .Check the Web for times and stuff. Have a wonderful weekend. God is Good.

2 comments:

FeatherIron said...

As a man going through Chemo, I think your ponderings are just. Sometimes I will think about all the suffering in the world, especially abused children and it's hard to understand but then I have to think it is not ment for me to understand but to pray and do what I can to help those in need. Some I will never know or even know to pray for but He does know.
After studieing Lewis for the last few years I really "Got" the whole "this is not our home", thing. Sure we all as Christians believe in Heaven and that we will go there but when I started to realize, "this is your one chance in life, you have got to get on with what God has for you!" As Def Lepard once said "it's better to burn out then fade away!" Will I live to be old and look back one day and say "I wish I had of..." By the grace of God no, I will do those things God has plant in my heart. I have far far to go, but I am determined to everyday grow closer to Him and do His will, this day, incase it be my last.
You are a light George, you are serving many with this blog and your awful Cancer. I hate that you are in pain and suffering and I don't understand that at all but God is using you George. You show us what it means to lay down your life and in the minst of your suffering make us laugh, make us feel compassion and pain, make us see Jesus in the middle. Thank you for that.

Russell said...

George,
It was great to see you and hug you at church today. You are an inspiration to many and never doubt that God is getting glory in the midst of your trial. He knows your heart and surely understands your questions and seeming lack of faith at times. He is faithful and extends mercy to His children each day. You are a blessing and I pray GREAT faith and courage to continue to grow in your daily journey dear brother. Stay focused on Him. He gave me an acronym years ago for the word FOCUS. It is...
Faith and Obedience to Christ in Unity and Service.
Love in Christ Jesus,
Russell