Thursday, February 15, 2007

Meatballs & .....

Boy, is it cold today or is it just me? I get the chills while sitting in the house. I even invite the two cats into the foyer when it gets this cold.
I reinforced the bunny hutch against the wind and cold. I run the heat lights all day with temperatures like these. I took the nest boxes out a few days ago based upon the age of the babies.
I cooked meatballs and angel hair pasta for my two sweethearts (my big one and my little one) and also for the big man. I bought that specialty Italian bread shaped like a bowl – I cut it up, buttered with a little sprinkle of garlic salt in the broiler for a few minutes – it was a hit! And to think, I almost cooked chicken! I (we) got the girls some chocolate and roses and tulips. Purple tulips.

I have always held telling the truth/being honest as one of the chief virtues. So, I am going to be honest – here it goes.
I have been feeling funky all week, well, maybe for the past several weeks. Sleep is evasive and sporadic. I don’t feel like eating most of the time, but I do still have an appetite, so I just eat less when I do eat. The shoulder pain is about 30% less this week which is good, but the abdominal/rib pain is still aggravating – and somewhat more persistent. The pain meds help, but it’s just a miserable way to live. I have never been one to like to take pills, even when I feel they are warranted. Yesterday, I went all day without any pain meds until around 2 am – I just couldn’t handle it anymore. One hour you feel like #@&$* and then the next you feel a little better than that, which on a relative scale – better than what? I have been praising God in the midst of it, throughout the day. Realizing that God is my comforter - not up there like the Greeks thought of their gods, manipulating humans like lab rats – and He does comfort and encourage me through the Word and through people. But it gets to the point of, “what is the point”? I also ask Him how is this going to serve a greater purpose? If this is a test intended to teach me something, just tell me what You want to teach me and let’s move on. You get real practical over a long time dealing with this stuff – it wears you down. It can steal your joy and zest for life – if you let it. You get more of a ‘let’s cut to the chase’ attitude.

Being ‘younger’ and having a family does serve as a motivation for me. I can see how some people who are elderly just say ‘my time here is over’ and they give up and die. I do feel that I have more to live for and more to do. I have yet to start ‘bargaining’ with God, you know, ‘if you let me live, l’ll do such and such’. Not that there is anything wrong with that because I know several people who came to that point in there lives – God met them in the middle and they in turn kept their end of the bargain. I told my wife today that she and the kids were really the only reason I am hanging around. My parents, her parents, my brother and his family and my other extended family, too. I always thought that I would be the last man standing, being here to help take care of others in my family, not the one being taken care of. I was telling the kids at supper time about Ross Perot’s presidential running mate. Do ya’ll remember that circus? “I’m all ears” and “look at this here chart”. Anyway, this man was an Admiral I believe. I cannot remember his name, but his story is that he had been a Vietcong prisoner of war (POW) for years and made it out with his life and his sanity. He went on to do great things with his life. He died in his 80’s. How did he do it? How does anyone hang on under those circumstances?
So, I sometimes think I am just a whimp. People have it (and have had it) much worse than I and yet handle it so much better. You want to know how I think they made it?

To be continued as not to wear you out with this long blog . . . .

I know, it sounds like I have been reading the first few chapters of the Book of Solomon. But, no I have not. You just have to remember that, 'His ways are higher than our ways and his thoughts are higher than our thoughts'.
more later, George


Anonymous said...

I am so sorry that you have to go through what you are going through with your health. My heart is so heavy for you and I know that what you are going through is not easy. My mom is in the same situation wanting to get on with life and what it holds. She is 70 and has lived her life as well but give up never. She is the strongest woman I have ever met I guess that is where I get it from. And you George are a strong man God has given you the strength to run this race and I know you get tired along the way. If I could take just a little of your pain I would just so you could have a good day. We will be praying for you and your family. Love you Brother your sister in Christ Gayle

Anonymous said...

I accidently put my responce to this blog on yesterday's blog. I still don't have the hang of this thing. anyway, please read my comment on yesterday's blog,

FeatherIron said...

I just read the life story of Nelson Mandella. I really can't imagine walking in forgivness like he did during and after his 27 years in prison. The torture, conditions, everything was just so bad. He was 70 when he got out and he went on to be the first black president of South Africa. He was supposed to die in jail BUT he didn't. My point is live it George, make the most of every second of every day. Heck, any of us could die today, tomorrow, or in 30 years, we just have to do today what God has for us. You are here because God is using you and wants to use you more. Stay strong, you are a light to many.

Anonymous said...

OK George....what words can lift a heavy soul but the word of our Lord. I wish my words could help you but I would be just like Job's comforters in a way! It's tough. I can't imagine being in your shoes. Wil and I are obviously going through our own tough questions as to why Lord? Why this, why that? No real answers yet...but I have learned something, it came to me today...there is NOTHING like family.
Friends can betray you with a lie...judge harshly as to why God isn't coming through...then to say "are you sure it's not a heart issue?" with a sort of "just wondering" attitude.
Wow, no wonder some people don't want our so-called christianity!!!
Today especially, I have learned that in life all we can do is LIVE it right, with truth and honor...Love one another, ESPECIALLY our own families, embrace every day FULLY! Serve God whole heartedly, not concerning ourselves by what others make think!
You George are a man of integrity, honesty, wholeheartidly devoted to wife and family....serve God with fear and trembling and so much more! Know that you ARE making a difference because you LIVE LOVE. Your life serves as an example to others to examine their hearts before the living Lord!
Be of good cheer brother...I know I've written alot but there is "no place like home, here on earth and especially in Heaven..."
I ditto what Gayle said, if I could take some of the pain away...
Your not wimpy either!!! Robin would say "your the strongest man she knows" and I would have to say besides my own husband "you are one of the strongest brothers I know"! Soooo, chin big (now that I've hopefully boosted it a little!) and LIVE George, LIVE....!!!!!!!!!!

We love you brother!!!!

Oh, also keep telling us how you feel....thanks for letting us in on it, for trusting us to pray for you and giving us a part of what your every day world is like!

The Howells

Anonymous said...

Hey George,

Thanks for being to honest about what you are going through. Many times, especially as men, we want to try to act like, no problem I can handle it. When in reality we are really hurting or going through a tough time. You know there is a story that I remember from some 20 years ago when I was involved in the Catholic Charismatic Movement. A priest named, Father Gus, came and gave a talk. The story he told was about a lady who was going through some really rough times. One night she had a dream. She found herself in a large field and it was full of crosses. Jesus appeared to her and told her, "today you are going to choose the cross which you will carry in life". She didn't know which one to choose. He showed her a little one, she said no that was too small, he showed her a big one, she said no that was to large, this went on for some time and finally she made a decision on a cross. Jesus told her, "this is the cross which you have been carrying all your life, at times it may seem heavy, but remember all the times you didn't even know you were carrying it, it was in those times that I was carrying it for you".

You know I believe we all have a cross to carry in this life. In times when the cross gets heavy this is when we need to lean on friends and family to help carry it.

It is always good to say that we are praying for someone and to actually do it. But sometimes we need to move into action also. George if there is anything I can do to help carry this cross for you please let me know.

My prayer for you is that God would come and lift this cross from you.

As for the pain meds, don't wait until you cannot take it anymore to take them. You are doing harm to your body and mind. Take the meds as needed. Even though I am not a doctor, that is the order.

Also, as for you being a whimp. You have gone against this disease head on and never thought twice about it. For any man to have the courage you have, dealing with what you are dealing with and still standing and believing. That is not a whimp. That is a soldier of the Lord.

Your friend,

Paul S.

Danny and Judith said...

Dear George,
Your honesty is refreshing. Just wanted to let you know that we continue to pray for you and Robin and your children.
One word to think on: Don't compare yourself with anyone. You are walking your walk with God. The Lord is always with us. He knows. Hold on to Him.
God's love and peace to you.