Tuesday, April 08, 2008

let it out....

Well what a weekend. I found myself in a very emotional state Sunday after church. The kids had to stay at church for something so I was alone. I went to the cemetery and sat and thought and talked out loud. I called a friend of mine to pray for me and as he spoke he challenged me to let go of my anger. My response was that I wasn't angry, but even as I said it I knew I was even trying to hide it from myself. He continued to explain that I could be angry at God's decision and still love God. He asked, "Have you ever been angry at your kids. Yeah, but you still love them, right?" Yes, IT finally started surfacing and I realized that I needed to get alone with God and let it out. So when I arrived home to my room I went willing to lay it all out before God. He already knew what I was feeling anyway, He was just waiting for me to actually acknowledge it to myself and Him. What surfaced was the anger I felt toward the Lord for giving me a true GIFT of faith to believe for George's healing but He did not heal him. Why God? Why the gift to believe if Your plan was to take him home? WOW what a cleansing process I had with the Lord. God spoke to me very specifically and I will type it later. I am at school and I don't have my journal with me. I do want to share with you all how precious the Lord answered that question. Our God is a great God and He will intimately see us through our situations, send people into our lives to challenge us, and He will meet us right where we are. His main concern is our relationship with Him and the Kingdom. More later. RW


Anonymous said...

Thanks for your transparency on this intimate matter between you and our Lord. Indeed, He loves you right where you are. You are precious in His sight as you are in our sight. Our prayers and love are with you and your awesome children. We stand near, call if we can be of further help.
Your brother in Christ,

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the word you have given to us and allowing us to be a part of what you go through. You are an awesome woman of the Lord. Thanks for the meat sister. Love you Gayle

agardana said...

I can't wait to hear what God is speaking into your life. He is so amazing. Love you and miss you.

Sonja said...

I hear your heart girl. In many ways I can relate to what you are saying. Most of us have great expectations to SEE things happen in the physical and the spiritual and when we don't, especially when we have had the faith for it, we are extremely let down!
Death is a little different however and I defenately do not want to minimize what you are experiencing!
I myself have experienced bouts of anger over many situations lately...in this, the Lord has been ministering the words "Let Go", "Trust Me"... in a major way...it's tough to do.
I did not realize how tough, especially when "love" is involved. When you've poured love, recieved love, and then asked to "LET IT GO"...it hurts. How we finally arrive at that place is a mystery, although I do believe when a person arrives, it's sweet VICTORY.
It's that place of defenition where "truly our life is NOT our own" and to hold every aspect of it "lightly" knowing that the Lord gives and takes away...for He alone knows the GOOD in doing this.
I know we don't spend much time together, I think about you often.
My prayers are with you, my heart is with you. You have so many that are "covering you" to PRESS through the stages of this NEW thing the Lord is doing!
Anger is a real emotion, one that I believe gets overlooked in our seasons of life...if directed positively, the Lord will use it to launch a powerful character in us we did not know we had (He has used anger many times in my walk that is how I know) He will HOLD you in this place....
I love you sister.

Sonja H.

Anonymous said...

Mrs. Robin,

Know that I love you and your family and am praying for you all. You are truly a blessing!