leaning...

Today at a party I was talking to Greg and Craig and we were talking about leaning not to our own understanding. As we were talking it became so apparent that, that is one of the keys to victory. We cannot afford to try to figure out situations in our own understanding. God alone knows why He allows things in our lives that do not make sense. I mean why do we have to have people die young in our lives, why do accidents happen, why do our children turn their backs on what they know is the truth. All of these situations make no sense in the natural. However, in the spirit there may be many reasons. We have a real enemy that is after bringing us to a place of doubt and unbelief. He (the enemy) is trying to make our walks (lives) totally ineffective for the kingdom. The Lord allows these difficulties because He is attempting to create something in us that will last for eternity, and here in the temporal existence is where we learn it. WOW!!!! You mean this is a training ground. I say yes. He says we will rule and reign with Him. There must be things that we are to learn here that we may use in eternity. Our understanding must be deceptive if we are instructed not to lean on it. It is very tempting to look to the natural for answers, but God said there are no true answers in the natural realm. The truth about situations, people, and handling life's adventures must be found in the Spirit. Victory in situations does not come about by our own logic and figuring. The things of the Spirit seem to run contrary to the world's logic. Things in the visible try to mock the unseen. FAITH is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things NOT SEEN. Our Lord reigns in the unseen realm. He is Lord of ALL visible and invisible. We must lift our eyes and ask the Lord to help us see with spiritual eyes.

Lord only you can give us clear vision of that which we can't see. Only you can give us wisdom and understanding of that which is out of our grasp to understand. And oh Lord when you shine light and give revelation there is nothing in this world as sweet as knowing that you are speaking to us. RW

Florida....

We just got back from a trip to Pensacola. We had a great time just relaxing and having nothing planned. The weather was great and Bryan definitely got some sun.

The last couple of weeks has been a time of much reflection. Father's Day was a difficult day but the body of Christ at Hosanna stepped up as usual and ministered great love to me and Lauren and Bryan. Russell, Margie, Pat and Charlotte, Rhonda, and Eileen you will never know what it meant to me to have you surrounding us in prayer. There is nothing that can take the place of the church reaching out to those within. Thank you. After church we went to River Ridge and spent time with Granny Patsy, Paw-Paw Mike, Mike, Eva and Carey. It was emotional but oh sooo good to be with family. I love them all so much and they have such a special place in my heart.

God is continuing to make me so aware of His ability to shelter, comfort and protect me. I love you all.

RW

Praise Him....

Pastor Don has been sharing lately about God equipping us with the weapon of praise. That is what we need to do, praise Him in the midst of our circumstances. In so doing we claim to God and every demon in ear shot, that no matter what the circumstances our GOD is GOD. We claim that He is bigger than our situation and that He alone can see us through. Also praise changes our perspective it allows us to remind ourselves who God is even when circumstances are trying to gain our full attention. I think the biggest thief of our praise is ingratitude. When we begin complaining, we are stating through our complaint that God is not able to handle our situation. We are stating that HIS ways are not the right ways. We may find ourselves in the midst of difficult situations for many reasons. Maybe we are in these situations because of choices on our own part or maybe God has allowed the trying of our faith, regardless we must purpose to allow life to work in us what God intends to be worked in us.

If we will cooperate with the Holy Spirit we will learn deep truths in the midst of great heartache and trials. Learning that praise must go forth no matter the circumstances, places us above the situation and able to see with God's perspective. We need God's vantage point. We need to see as He sees, we need the mind of Christ. So praise Him and watch yourself change in the midst of adversity. Praise Him and see God the way He needs to be seen in relation to this temporary life. Praise Him for He is eternal, unmovable, unshakable----HE is GOD. RW

thanks for your patience....

Wow! It has been quite a while since my last post. So sorry to you all who faithfully check in to see what is going on. Well school is out for the summer and we are enjoying a little down time.

God continues to show Himself faithful and we are pressing in to knowing Him more and learning His ways in the midst of this life He has given us to live. I am convinced more and more that we are not our own and that because we have been bought with a price we really have no authority to call the shots. God calls the shots and He alone knows what is best for us and the Kingdom of God. God has continued to show me more and more depths of His love. It is awe inspiring to catch a glimpse of that love. We see it daily when we consider the cross but I think we forget to realize that it was love, not obligation that compelled Christ to the cross. Christ would have endured anything in order for our relationship with Him to be restored. That is what it is all about our relationship with Him. The Father said, "This is your bride." And Christ immediately fell in love with us. "However Jesus there is only one hitch. In order for you to have the relationship you desire with her you will have to take on flesh, live out a sinless life on earth, then if that is not enough you will be falsely accused and endure the punishment of a criminal--death on a cross. But once you do that you will be able to experience the ultimate in realtionships with your bride. Are you willing?" Christ response, "Am I willing, look at her isn't she the most beautiful thing you have ever seen. Of course I am willing. Knowing that after all of that I can have HER, I will do whatever it takes. I want that relationship." The Father then says, "Go buy back your Bride."

That love is hard for many of us to understand because we are so self-seeking and looking out for number one. We want to know what a relationship will gain us. We want to know that if we invest time and emotion we are going to get something back. However, that is the glory of agape love---it does not seek its own. It loves because the thought of not loving is more painful than the thought of not being loved back. Agape love truly has to give because there is more fulfillment in the loving than being loved. Christ has brought this love alive to me. This is so new to me but I am daily experiencing the love of Christ.

More on this later, I love you all. RW

graduated....

On Friday, May 16th Lauren graduated from Hosanna Christian Academy with honors. She has accomplished much in her high school career. She has played basketball and volleyball, been a class officer, and ministered on the school's worship team. Lauren is a blessing to our family and I love her very much. When I used to talk about having teenagers people would always say poor you to which I would say, "No you don't know my daughter. She is a joy, and she makes life easy." Excuse me while I brag on her a little.

School will be out at the end of this week. Oh I am counting down the days. This has been a year to say the least. I am looking forward to a little down time with the kids. Thanks to all of you who have encouraged us along the way. Thanks for your encouraging comments left on the blog, thanks for your notes, and just your love shown in all different ways. God is our strength, an ever present help in time of trouble. Love, RW

New York.....

Lauren is in New York on Senior Trip. She has seen a lot, been to a Broadway play, walked through Central Park and this morning they were on the Today Show. We have been watching American Idol and she and I both love Jason Castro. Well last week he was voted off the show and this morning he was on the Today Show. Well she got to take a picture with him. How cool is that? I can't wait to hear all of the stories she and her friends are going to have to tell.

Graduation is Friday night with a party on Saturday night and a family get together on Sunday. It will be an awfully busy weekend but one of much excitement. Carey, my nephew, is also graduating from Brother Martin. His graduation is the week after Lauren's so at least there are not too many scheduling conflicts. The beginning of this month has been very emotional. Bryan's birthday, my birthday, Mother's day, senior chapel and graduation coming has screamed at all of us about George's absence. We purpose in our hearts to enjoy this time because it is a time of celebration and we know that is the way George would expect it to be. Our year of firsts without George also includes some other monumental life moments like Bryan turning 13, Lauren and Carey graduating, and the birth of Michael's, our nephews, first child. God is so very gracious in these moments and His comfort is tangible at times. More later, RW

another birthday....

Yes today is my birthday. Not ashamed to say that I have made 43 years. Hard to believe since I don't feel 43. But nothing changes the facts. I am 43. It has been a glorious day. It started out early with my kids wishing me a happy birthday, then I went to my car and some friends had left me flowers, muffins and fresh fruit. I began the morning with tears in my eyes, feeling so full of blessings. The Lord is beyond good to us and the work He has done in me is miraculous. I will share soon some of the depths of the work that has been going on in my heart. You all are incredible friends whom I love dearly. I wish I could get with each of you and spend some quality time. Have an awesome day and as George would say, "Go to church and worship God." I love you all. RW

birthday

Yesterday was Bryan's 13th birthday. I cannot believe he is already 13. It was a great day but a busy day. George's mom and dad came in and took Bryan out to eat and Lauren and I attended the Athletic Banquet. Lauren received an awesome award. I am so proud of her. She was awarded the Christian Athletic Leadership Award. What an honor!

The last couple of days an awareness of George's absence has been strong. I guess with Bryan turning 13 it is just one of those first year milestones that have to be experienced. The men from church are coming to help finish some work on the deck and help with some things around the house. What an awesome body I am a part of. I love the people of Hosanna. They exhibit the love of God in such practical ways and I have come to see what it is to be loved unconditionally.

The school year is winding down and the summer will be full of vacationing, relaxing and seeking God. Can't wait to be in that place. Looking forward to the leadership of the Lord. More to come. RW

oops.....

Sorry that I have neglected writing. It seems as though I am burning the proverbial candle at both ends. I have not remembered a time when I have been quite as busy as the last couple of weeks. Trying to get our graduation invitations, clean house, teach school, tutor, go to Bryan's games, play on my own softball team, etc. WOW!!!! I know in a couple of weeks it will all slow down and I can truly say I can't wait. Lauren is winding school down and she is very excited. We have much to do between now and then but we have agreed to take it one day at a time. The Lord continues to show Himself faithful. As we hold on to Him and the truth of His word He sees us through on a daily basis. I am learning so much about waiting on Him. Now your going to have to wait on me to get the chance to finsh the latest thought. Signing out RW

emotions pt.2...

We can find comfort in the fact that God is an emotional being. He made us in His image and emotions are part of who He is. The bible says that God has felt love, anger, regret, joy. At one point He even regretted the fact that He created man. WOW that must have been an intense emotion. Since we want to make sure as Christians we are not led by our emotions, we sometimes let the pendulum swing to the other extreme and attempt to feel no emotions. God does desire us to feel things if not we would be beings void of emotion. Our emotions compel us into relationships, both platonic and romantic. Our emotions let us connect on a different level with people in our lives. The whole point of this involvement is to affect eternity. Christ was compelled by love. As He looked over Israel and saw them as sheep without a shepherd He was greatly moved. It was that emotion that compelled Him to lay down His life and endure death on a cross. Obedience is awesome, but I think humans have a hard time obeying for the sake of obeying. Once we feel that we are unconditionally loved by God, and that He truly has our best interest at heart, then obeying is a result of that LOVING relationship. Ask the Lord to make real to you the depth, width, height, and length of His incomparable LOVE. Don't be afraid to FEEL, just don't be consumed by your feelings. As I said the other day, let your emotions be submitted to the Lordship of Christ. There is such great victory in Christ and in every area of our lives He desires to be involved. Involve HIM. See what happens!!!!!! Love to you all, RW

emotions....

The Lord has been teaching me a lot lately about emotions. You certainly can't trust them. The only sure thing in our lives is God and His incredibly awesome word. The Bible says heaven and earth will pass away but His word WILL REMAIN. That is our promise from God about the strength and lasting power of His word. Our emotions, which originate in the soulish realm, bring with them the potential for great deception. Our emotions have to be submitted to the Father and we must allow Him to redeem them . They must be subjected to the authority of God's word and if they don't fall in line with His word, they are attempting to deceive us. If our emotions come about because of selfish motives or our desire to protect ourselves we must check our emotions and then submit our heart to God to help us guard it. That is why so many of us build walls of protection, because we find ourselves operating out of emotions and determine that our heart (feelings) won't be hurt that way again. I offer that when we take those disappointments to the Lord and allow His word to recenter us, we can then realize that God will protect our hearts and the WALL is unnecessary. Saints, I urge you to allow the Lord by the power of His Holy Spirit to tear down protective walls that you may have erected for protection. Then allow Him to cover, shelter and protect you. He does a much better job and the results produce life not an inward focus and resolve to never go there again. We must do this in order to prevent our heart from becoming hardened. The soil of our heart has to be soft and ready to receive the seed of God's word. That is the only way the Word will then bring forth the fruit we so earnestly desire. More later. RW

My answer....

After getting alone with God this was the answer He gave me in regard to the gift of faith He gave me and the body at Hosanna. " You did have the faith to believe and I wanted you to sense it so that you would understand that when I made the choice not to answer the way you believed you would eventually come to understand, that the purpose for George's death was greater than the power of your faith to believe him to be healed or even raised from the dead."

I had to then realize that God wanted to make the point to me and the body at Hosanna that even in the midst of an environment that would produce a miracle of resurrection, God's decision to bring George home was more purposed and will produce more power ultimately than the faith we were operating in. WOW That is awe inspiring to me. I then asked God, the next time I sense that level of knowing faith will I actually see the power of that kind of faith. His answer was, "Your faith to believe Me has not been hindered, neither will it falter. When it is time to operate at that same level of faith you will see the power because it will be My purpose. OK God I believe you and I am waiting to see us all operating at that level of faith. We will see the ushering in of the Kingdom of God and the return of Christ our Lord.

Our God is so good and He will reward those who diligently seek Him. Press in saints. RW

sorry...

I'm sorry I have not posted my journal yet. I have not been home one night this week, my washer has gone out, and you know just one of those weeks. It's ok however remember the last post was to rejoice it's a choice. I have begun doing a Beth Moore bible study on believing God. Oh my, the timing of this study is perfect and I have only been to two meetings but it has been so powerful. Tonight, I will try to type the answer God gave me. I want desperately to share it with you all. I love you.
RW

let it out....

Well what a weekend. I found myself in a very emotional state Sunday after church. The kids had to stay at church for something so I was alone. I went to the cemetery and sat and thought and talked out loud. I called a friend of mine to pray for me and as he spoke he challenged me to let go of my anger. My response was that I wasn't angry, but even as I said it I knew I was even trying to hide it from myself. He continued to explain that I could be angry at God's decision and still love God. He asked, "Have you ever been angry at your kids. Yeah, but you still love them, right?" Yes, IT finally started surfacing and I realized that I needed to get alone with God and let it out. So when I arrived home to my room I went willing to lay it all out before God. He already knew what I was feeling anyway, He was just waiting for me to actually acknowledge it to myself and Him. What surfaced was the anger I felt toward the Lord for giving me a true GIFT of faith to believe for George's healing but He did not heal him. Why God? Why the gift to believe if Your plan was to take him home? WOW what a cleansing process I had with the Lord. God spoke to me very specifically and I will type it later. I am at school and I don't have my journal with me. I do want to share with you all how precious the Lord answered that question. Our God is a great God and He will intimately see us through our situations, send people into our lives to challenge us, and He will meet us right where we are. His main concern is our relationship with Him and the Kingdom. More later. RW

wow graduation is on the way...

I can't believe this, but graduation is coming like a freight train. Lauren is soon going to be going on to another phase of life. That thought gives me a reality check. As much as we may try, we cannot slow down life. All we can do is purpose in our hearts to make awesome memories with the ones we love. Enjoy the days we are given and make the best of all trials and triumphs. Allow those things to make us the people that God wants us to become. The Lord has laid down the challenge to us all to rejoice in all of our situations. The good, the bad, and the absolutely mundane still require our rejoicing. And guess what, it is all worth our rejoicing. When things are good, rejoice because they are good and enjoyable. When things are bad, rejoice because God is purposing to add something to your character and He is building hope in you. When things are mundane, rejoice because in the simplicity of life we learn that God is still with us and will never leave us or forsake us. Washing clothes, cooking supper, changing the oil, etc. doesn't mean that we are out of the presence of God. Freedom comes in the realization that those activities are actually times to purpose to be in prayer because they are usually mindless activities that don't require much thinking anyway. I love you all and am again so thankful for your goodness to me and mine. Rejoice, it is a choice. RW

Easter.....

Tomorrow is Easter Sunday. What a glorious day to remember not only our Lord's sacrifice but His triumphant rising from the dead. That is where our victory was won and He brought back the keys to death, hell and the grave. Oh death where is your sting. Our Lord did a work that allows us to live on eternally. George lives on because Jesus redeemed him from the curse of the law. Death has no hold on George. He simply passed from life temporal to life eternal. WOW that is shouting ground. George, we know that you have stepped over to the place we want to be. Looking our master in the face and talking to the prophets of old. What stories you must be hearing. Eternity, we will soon be with you and Jesus; for all of our lives are but a vapor in light of forever.

Let's purpose to set our affections on the Kingdom and advancing it. God wants our lives now and forever. There is no better place to be than in relationship with the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords. He does not disappoint. Even in the midst of dispair He is found to be a comfort. His words rock solid and true. Embrace the holy work on the cross, accept His forgiveness which alone can redeem you. Press into knowing Him like you have never known Him before.

Robin

pollen...

UGHHH!!!! The pollen is out in force and so are my sinuses. We have had some beautiful weather but the rain is supposed to be coming in. George's parents came in to visit with us this weekend. We always enjoy their visit. Short school week this week with Easter break on the way. Can't wait for a little time off. Many of you may know but I have decided to take a year off from teaching and work on George's book. I feel that if I don't take the time to do it, it will never get done. I don't want to get years down the road regretting not doing what I feel is very important to do.

The school year is flying by. Graduation will be here soon. Senior trip, senior chapel, graduation all of these events are looming on the horizon. Lauren is driving more and more and becoming more and more independent. She is a very responsible teenager so it is easy to trust that she is o.k. but it is still hard to begin cutting the apron strings. We love you and pray you all have a great Easter. Remember our Risen Lord. He is good to us and His faithfulness endures and so does His love.
Robin

God, coming on strong...

The Lord has been making Himself known to me in a strong way. From reading scriptures, hearing sermons and receiving words of the day, friends writing letters and giving gifts, God is making His presence known to me. I stand in awe of what He is saying. I am in a time of new beginnings, I have known that for a while but God will not let me escape it. At George's funeral my nephew approached me and said, " I know this seems like the end but it is just a new beginning." How sweet but little did he know how profound that statement would be. Last night as I was praying, I asked the Lord to speak to me through His word. I felt led to read Isaiah 43 and 44. WOW From the first verse I began crying because I knew the Lord had led me there. Then in verse 19 I read "See I am doing a new thing! Now it springs forth; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." I began crying even harder because our precious Lord let me know He knows right where I am. The ministering of His Holy Spirit is so intimate. The sense of security, and knowing that my life is in His hands, my future is in His hands. There is no better place to be. George would have it no other way. He would want us living, fulfilling God's purposes for our lives, and advancing the kingdom. It is about eternity. God so desires to be involved in every area of our lives. Not just the things we consider spiritual, He wants all of us. He deserves all of us because He bought us with His precious blood. Lord you have it all. We are yours.

Robin

God is good...

I woke up Tuesday knowing that God was with me and loved me. IT was an awesome sense of His presence in my life. I continue to look to Him to lead me. I feel the waters stirring and God leading. Our Father's promise to never leave us or forsake us is so real. His love and assurance and word are critical in our lives if we are to make it through situations we find ourselves in. God reminded me of the words he gave me to stand on while believing for George's healing. He asked me, "Do you think those words have no relevance to your life now?" At that point I realized that the words the Lord shared with me during those times are words I am still to stand on for my life. God's word is true and we must believe that. However, when destiny and purpose stand with God's word His purposes will always be fulfilled. George fulfilled his purpose, his life was full of destiny and God used Him throughout his life and even through his death to minister hope, love and confidence to people.

I place my hand in the Hand of the Father and know that in this life there will be tribulations, but God is with us. That is real, it is not a bible story or some fairytale. As C.J. said at church Sunday you must reckon for yourself that you TRUST in JESUS. Not just what Jesus can do for you, not knowing about him but knowing that you trust in HIM. Be blessed my friends.
robin

What a week

Emotions have been all over the map this week. I have to realize, I guess, that that is normal. Sometimes I have experienced an overwhelming sense of loneliness, at which time God has come in and shown me His loving kindness. Dealing with issues that George and I would have solved together, or I would have let George decide on his own now fall on my shoulders to deal with. These things sometimes stop me in my tracks because I want to take into consideration what I think George would do.

The cemetery installed the headstone to mark the grave site. I went to see it the other day and the site looks horrible. We have had so much rain that the dirt is washing out around the site and there are holes and weeds growing on the sight. This almost sent me over the edge, knowing how George was about making sure the yard was nice and his love for the soil and all things dirt. I asked the cemetery to please make sure they resolve this issue ASAP. They assured me it would be taken care of. I think that started the emotional roller coaster this week. I want things to be right and I have been desiring that my life be spelled out for me. What does life hold for me? In many ways my very identity has changed and I am coming to grips with new areas in my life. Thanks for letting me be so transparent but I know that you faithful readers of this blog will pray for me and for God to lead me into His purposes for my life.

I love you all so much, even those of you I do not know. Thanks for taking of your time to keep up with me.

Robin